Five Words
by The Room Stops
Summary: April Rhodes says the five words she'd never expected to say to Will Schuester.


**Author: Linn****  
Pairing: Will/April  
Fandom: Glee  
Disclaimer: Don't own them, or April would be a regular.****  
Rating: PG-13 (adult themes)  
Word Count: 3100+  
Spoiler: 1.05 "The Rhodes Not Taken", 1.16 "Home"  
Disclaimer: I don't own them.  
Author's Note: Set somewhere after 1.16, in my mind. Will is the process of divorce, and the thing with Emma isn't turning out the way he thought.**

**Summary: April Rhodes says the five words she'd never expected to say to Will Schuester.**

Will walked through the door of the Glee club's rehearsal room, surprised to hear the soft tones of "My Valentine" playing on the piano. He stood still as a silky, tender, soft voice began to sing.

_All of my life  
I have been waiting for all you give to me  
You've opened my eyes  
And showed me how to love unselfishly_

He smiled to himself as April took a deep breath and let her fingers move swiftly across the piano tangents. Her voice was as vulnerable and tender as he'd ever heard it - her eyes red.

He walked closer towards the piano and sang along to the lyrics.

_I've dreamed of this a thousand times before  
In my dreams I couldn't love you more  
I will give you my heart  
Until the end of time  
You're all I need  
My love, my valentine_

"I play better when I'm in pain. Look at you hot stuff. Never thought I'd see you in a suit."

"Kurt dressed me."

"I thought you'd be at the school dance. I can leave if you want. I probably shouldn't be in here should I? I just came in to try to find a way to bridge the two songs a little better, for the competition. It's too… stiff. Too generic. Guess I got sidetracked. Martina has a way of saying exactly what I feel."

"That's ok. I told you, you can come here whenever you want. You're doing us a huge favor, helping them find the perfect song for regionals. So, it's Valentine's Day. The kids are really loving the dance."

"Yeah. That made up, fake, 'forcing-you-to-buy-crap-for-people" holiday that comes every year, just to remind those of us who doesn't have somebody to give generic gifts to, just how badly we should want to have someone. How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"With your wife. Before you went on a perma-trip to Splitsville, how did you celebrate? How does a married couple celebrate? I mean, you already know you love each other; you did the whole white dress and veil thing. Isn't that the whole point of Valentine's Day?"

"Not really. I guess, I always saw it as an excuse to do something special for my wife. When you're married you start going through the motions, and you forget to do the little things you did before. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just something that reminds you why you did the 'white dress and veil thing' in the first place."

"I guess that's nice." She looked down, her fists curling the way they always did when she was nervous.

"Why are you crying?" he wiped a tear off her cheek.

"I guess… I guess I want to be a part of it. Even though it's cheesy and cliché, not to mention completely unnecessary and potentially heartbreaking, I can't help but want to have that. Someone to love. My sponsor says that I shouldn't get involved with someone for another 6 months. That I have to know I can be without something to need. Which sounds like a load of crap, but he's pretty smart, so I guess I should listen to him. Not like anyone's gonna want me anyway. I'm damaged goods, no guy wants all this baggage."

"That's not true. When you find the right one, you're gonna make him so happy. April, you're amazing and you're smart. You're funny. Beautiful. And he's going to fall in love with you. Not because you're beautiful or can sing a crazy high note. He's gonna fall for you, because you do have that baggage. You've lived, April, and you know that life can change in a second. Everything that's happened to you, everything you've survived, you're all the better for it."

"Thanks, Will. It's nice to have someone care."

"I care about you. A lot. You make me laugh, you bring so much joy to my life, to the kids' lives. You don't even realize it, and that's the best part. It's just who you are. I wish you could see the potential in you that I see." He inched closer on the stool so he wouldn't fall off. She didn't move away when his hip touched hers, and when his fingers hit the tangents, she smiled as he hit a sour note.

"Do it like this. Let your fingers glide. Don't just hit the tangents, touch them." She played the first notes to the song again, her fingers gently gliding back and forth on the piano. She touched his hands and encouraged him to play after her. It didn't sound even similar or half as good, but she smiled at the end, so he didn't care.

"See, you're getting better. You're doing a great thing, Will. They may not realize it, but you're helping to shape their lives, that's a good thing."

"I think they know. They are teenagers, and they have the dramatics down, but I think they realize it. You weren't like that, were you? When you were the star of Glee. I mean, you were the star and yet I never heard about you being a drama queen."

"Cause I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Of not being good enough. I would go up there and sing, and I'd do great most of the time. But I was terrified. I never felt like I'd be good enough for the people that mattered. I just, never did. So I…"

"You clenched your hands together and went up there anyway… I remember watching you one time, you were clenching your hands together so hard. Back then I thought maybe you did it to sing better… But now I get it - you were just scared. Like you are now. Why are you scared now, April?"

"I'm still not good enough. I've wasted my life, Will. I'm in my 30s and I haven't lived, not really. I'm not a person, I'm just --- nobody. I'm that crazy chick in the movies that you see walking down the street but you don't really see her. Like Juliette Lewis. Except I have better hair than she does."

"You are someone April. Don't ever say you haven't done anything in your life, because you changed mine. You made me believe in music. You made me work so hard to be as good as you are. I'm still not as good as you, but I'm happy. Even with everything that's going on, music makes me happy. You gave me that. Your talent made someone happy. You're here now, and you're living now."

"Am I? I feel like I'm still waiting for life to start. Waiting to start to living. I guess I just want what every little girl wanted - a big house, a great job, someone to be there at the end of the day. Maybe clichés aren't so bad." Her eyes focused on the tangents, her hands fell to her lap. She turned to Will, looking at her lovingly. She held her breath. She knew she should run. Instead she was frozen. Will's eyes didn't even flicker. They stayed steady on her.

Before she knew it, his body pressed hers against the wooden locker, his fingers entangled in her hair. She knew if someone came walking through the door, it'd be over, but she didn't care. In 20 seconds, he had made her see something she never knew existed. She whimpered. His tongue dueled forcefully with hers, his cold hands caressing her skin underneath her top making her shiver.

She never thought she'd be here, over 15 years after she'd quit high school, left Lima and abandoned the chance to fall in love with someone like this. Never thought that at this point in her life, she'd be making out with a teacher in his classroom. She knew she should run as fast as she could, but his lips nibbling gently on her earlobe, kissing her neck gently, told her to just stand still. She'd let life happen to her for 33 years, she wasn't going to run when it was actually something good. Her hands trailed to the front of his pants, quickly unzipping his zipper and unbuttoning his top button. Trained, nimble fingers tickled his skin gently as she lifted his dress shirt. She'd done this before. But it was always in a stupor, and never drunk on passion instead of her trusty box of Chablis. Just before she could utter the five words she thought she'd never get to say to Will Schuester, his hands stopped hers from moving further down. His forehead pressed against her as he tried to catch his breath.

"I can't." Looking down at her, he continued. "I'm really sorry, April. I wish I could--- I just need some time." She nodded, her mind still reeling from the way his lips had felt on hers. "I have to get back to the dance."

"It's fine." Her heart sank. Subconsciously she pulled her top down to cover herself, letting her skirt fall back down. She felt dirty. Usually she was happy when a man told her he couldn't go through with it. She liked knowing there were men who wouldn't cheat on their wives. Even if it meant she had to fall asleep alone. "Go. But if it's alright, I'd like to just stay here a little while?"

"As long as you want. I really am sorry."

"It's ok. Don't worry about it. Never happened."

"You know, I really wish everyone would get to hear you sing. Maybe it would change their life for the better the way it did mine." He kissed her cheek, and once again, she was left standing alone.

He heard the piano begin to play again as he walked away.

"Will, I thought you went back to the school dance."

"I got Ken to step in. Actually I forced him. I told him that I'd tell Sue he'd confessed to me he had a crush on her if he didn't. Even if it wasn't true, he'd never be able to live that down."

"Nice."

"I have a proposition for you."

"Will, is this a booty call? Look, what happened…"

"Would you like …" He pulled out a stack of movies from behind his back. "… to watch a selection of cheesy, bad romantic movies with, and mock the doofs who fall in love at the end with me?"

"I think that's just what I need, but I don't have anything in the house except a bottle of rum hidden in a shoebox in the closet and a can of beans."

"I've already called for pizza."

"Why did you really come here, Will? Despite what you may think, I'm not someone you can just use whenever you want a pick-me-up. I'm trying not to be that woman anymore."

"I just didn't want you to be alone on Valentine's Day. Here." He handed her a tiny, yellow rose. "It's not much, but an hour before midnight, it was all I could find. The guy at the store said they signify new beginnings." Her eyes watered as he smiled at her. When she stepped aside to let him in, she felt her heart skip a beat. So did he.

"I've decided that there are three kinds of men in this world. There are men like my stepfather, who cheats on his wife with anything that'll spread her legs, beats her until she can't breathe anymore and then sneaks into bed with her daughter once she's passed out on the living room floor. There are the kind of men who are seen as upstanding and good, by anyone except the woman who's lying under him and isn't his wife. Then, there are the types of guys who show up at your door with a single yellow rose. Where have you been all my life? I might have had some hope for this sorry-ass world that we live in."

"I was there, you just didn't notice me."

"Do you know, when I meet the kinds of guys I usually meet, I actually want them to reject me. Just so I can feel hopeful. They never do. Or, most of them anyway. I used to read these romance novels, like Danielle Steele stuff, and I dreamed that some day, I'd find a good guy, who'd make love to me and kiss me without whiskey on his breath. The really sad thing is, I've become the women I grew up hating. And I seduce the type of man who made my mother cry. You shouldn't be here, Will. There's no hope for me. I think there's this small window of opportunity, when you can get out of the mess you're in and I missed it."

"Why don't you go back to school? Or, go to New York, be who you really are." Will sat down on the couch in April's living room.

"I don't know who I am." April said somberly. She turned away, placing her glass of coke on the small table by the couch.

"Who did you think you were before?"

"It didn't matter. I'd wonder, then I'd get a call from a client and it didn't matter. I'd have a drink with him, then I'd… I know you probably don't wanna hear about it – but I did things I don't even wanna remember. Just so I could feel something, even for five minutes. I was so good at it, most of them didn't care if their wives found out. And when they did, there was no promise made to me. It was great, as long as I stayed drunk. So I stayed drunk. Nobody wants to feel lonely, Will."

"I'm lonely too. I've lived with Terri for so many years, I realized I don't know how to be by myself. I'm used to all of her stuff crowding up the closets and the bathroom. I didn't care, all I needed was a shelf. I just don't like the silence. But I guess I needed these past few months, to really realize what I want."

"What do you want?"

"I don't want to be Terri's husband anymore. I wanna take away the pain I saw in your eyes before. But right now, I want to kiss you." She swallowed. Didn't know exactly how to respond. Before she could think any further, his lips touched hers and she moaned. His lips stayed on hers for what seemed like a lifetime, but she still wanted more. When he pulled away, she took his hand and whispered. "Kiss me again."

Her hair was loose around her shoulders, no trace of make up on her face. She wore a stained t-shirt and well-worn sweatpants. Yet, there was something remarkably beautiful about April Rhodes at this moment. Will claimed her lips in another kiss, and when he pulled back, he couldn't help but notice how fragile she looked. Like a lost puppy, waiting to be found.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you."

"I've done this before, Will. "

"Not like this. Not with someone who really cares about you. All those guys, they didn't really know you. But I do, April. I see who you are. I meant what I said, I'm not gonna hurt you."

With her hand wrapped in his, April got up and gently pulled him towards the next room. It was smaller than he would have liked, and felt more like home than he'd imagined. She turned towards him again, her eyes pleading with him.

"If you still wanna run, do it now or ---" He kissed her.

"It only takes a moment to fall in love with you, April… but it takes a lifetime to get over you. I wouldn't do this if it was just for one night. I believe in you." When he kissed her again, she kissed back with equal force, passionately pulling him towards her bed. For the first time, April finally said the five words she'd never expected to say to Will Schuester.

"Make love to me, Will."

April smiled at him sheepishly when she returned, the pizza box in her hands.

"So, the pizza guy couldn't stop giggling. Do I have something in my face, Will?"

"Besides a beautiful smile?"

"Why did you tell me I had teeth marks on my jaw?"

"Because you started walking out the door, and all I could see was a pair of legs."

"Well, now we can't say that nobody can know about this."

"He doesn't know it was me. And why wouldn't you want people to know about this?"

"Because, you're Will. You're married, and the Spanish teacher, and --- you're Will. People like you - everybody likes you and nobody likes me. Lima is a small town, Will, in many ways. And if one person knows, everybody knows."

"I don't care that anyone knows. People know Terri and I split up, they're not gonna care."

"Yes, they will. I'm the drunk who sang 'Star Bangled Fanner' on the 4th five years ago, and you're **that** guy. The nice guy. You should date the nice girl."

"I've dated the nice girl. I've dated two nice girls. It didn't feel like this. I feel more myself with you than I ever have before. What we just did, making love. It was a new feeling for you, but it was new for me too. I loved Terri, more than she probably knew. But loving someone doesn't mean you're supposed to be with them. This feels right to me. Sitting here with you, my teeth marks on your jaw, your hair all messed up, still trying to catch my breath. Now where's that pizza, I'm starving."

"Did you ever do this with your wife?"

"Yes, but it was Chinese food. April, don't compare yourself with Terri. You're her. You are so different, and that's why I'm here and not with her. If I wanted to be with Terri, I'd be with Terri. I don't. I'm exactly where I wanna be." He kissed her fingers.

"This is the best pizza I've ever had." She smiled.

"Wait until you taste it." He winked.

His arms wrapped around her, her cheek pressed against his. The warmth from her back felt good against his chest.

"Thank you for staying. I don't like sleeping alone."

"I'm here for the duration, just hold my hand if you have bad dreams again." He kissed the crook of her neck, the scent of her shampoo making him dizzy. He loved honey. She brought his arm closer to her body, his fingers laced with hers as he drifted off to sleep.

For the first time in 29 years, April Rhodes slept the whole night through. No terrors, no ghosts, no fear.


End file.
